Battery Review – It’s All An Analogy.

battery

Don’t be fooled, it’s all an analogy for emotionally constipated middleschoolers coming to terms with their sexuality while playing catch and pitcher.

Except it’d be a lot better if that were the case.

Normally I start these half-assed reviews with a short paragraph explaining the story, but frankly I don’t remember jack of it.

Takumi Harada, despite what you might believe during the entire show, is a middleschooler who’s the best pitcher in the region. He’s frustrated that no catcher can keep up with him, and then he meets Gou Nagakura, who’s a big sweetheart who’s the most canon gay for Harada than we’ve seen in forever.

That’s the best short synopsis I can muster up and even that was with the help of the plot description on My Chinese Cartoons List dot com. Y’see, Battery should have been a good show. Battery wasn’t a bad show. It’s just boring, and that might be worse than being outright awful.

Being part of the NoitaminA line-up means absolutely nothing nowadays except that maybe it gets more frames per second and prettier aesthetics. That and its premise is all Battery had going for it, because it looks pretty – Hell, I don’t know if they even move pretty, because the characters are talking.

The whole series is just them talking shit. And here’s cliché character no.4 who actually hates baseball but does it because it looks good on his resume. And here’s cliché character no.5 who’s sexually ambiguous and teases the main couple. Here’s cliché protagonist no.1 who’s emotionally constipated and has a stick up his ass for 11 entire episodes for what reason? There’s no reason. We like cool cold animu characters so cool cold animu characters is what we’ll get.

Okay, alright. If a show called Battery isn’t going to focus on the gameplay, then it’ll be about the complicated relationships between the boys right? You’re right on that part. It’s complicated. It’s too complicated for any middleschooler. It’s dramatic for no reason and we don’t care about anyone but the two main characters who ironically get pushed aside in the middle of the series.

Because as cliché as Harada and Nagakura were, they held the show for the first two, three episodes. Their balance was interesting and at worst, shipping fuel for the fujoshi mixed with the aforementioned nice aesthetics.

The thing is, with one thing done right Battery does three more things wrong. By the sixth episode I no longer knew what was going on after a time-skip which made no damn difference, and by the eight I was finishing up the show for the sake of finishing it. I did know who was who because the new characters looked identical to one another. I couldn’t get over the melodrama which puts Mari Okada to shame and all in all, they had the chances but they didn’t take it.

I like tragic, almost canon gay relationships too, but this one was one mishap after another not even a second season could redeem.

While not the worst show ever, it is far from worthy of your time unless you’re desperately parched for some naturalistic BL tease, and even then it won’t satisfy your thirst.

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